Today is a blah day

I think because I messed up my medications a little and adding new diabetes meds, I feel a little blah.

I called the Doctor and she called in a refill for me right away.  I never ask her for emergency meds like that, so she was nice about doing it.  She also was concerned.  I see her for an apt. on Oct.8th so I guess we will talk more then.
I have felt a bit off since I came back from NY.  Seeing my old friends made me miss them more now that I am gone. But it was wonderful to see Monica and spend so much time with her.  I love how we think so much alike on so many things still after all these years.
I felt bad for Bill as his dad is being placed in a nursing home and is not doing so well.

I got to see my Nana which was wonderful. Seeing my Father was okay.  I think back at how for so many years I thought I would say all this stuff to him out of anger, but honestly when it came time to be face to face with him after 20 yrs, I just said hello and hugged him.
He held out his arms first, so I went over and hugged him.  I felt like I was hugging a stranger. I am surprised nothing came rushing out of me. I guess because I forgave him for all the abuse and gave it all to God, it really did make a difference. 
You know how people tell you forgive and give it up to God.  It really works.
Not that I am surprised at that so much as I guess I am proud of myself for REALLY completing it.  You can say your forgiving someone, and deep down it really still hurts and you want to hurt them some how.  I am just amazed at how well this has worked for me.
I know I am running my sentences together, I don't claim to be a good English major. LOL

I did not see my sisters at all, and had no desire to either. That's odd isn't it?  I mean I should want to have a relationship with them, but I don't.  They all live in the past and I don't.
 I live in the now. Its so much better and happier here.

I hope that by getting my medication straight I will feel less anxiety.  I want to do some many things all at once I feel overwhelmed today. That's why I am writing.  I figured this would help me sort out my thoughts.

We will no longer have our Nanny so all the responsibility is back on me. No breaks.
Maybe that's it. I finally got to where I felt like I was organized in my time and now, boom...switching.
I won't be able to volunteer at the DH office on Fridays like I once did and I have to figure out how to be at OT for an hour and be home for CHloe' too.
This must be it as I am getting upset thinking about it.  okay okay I am just going to put down some of my rambling thoughts and not worry about the grammar so I can get though this.
I remember being anxious during the time we were getting ready to move here. There was so much to do.
I had the help of the older ones but I still held all the strings.

We are not moving and I have no stress, so what the hell. God please take this feeling away from me. I hate having my heart pound out of my chest like this.
I think I will get my stuff and go for a walk before I go get Andrew.
Sounds like a plan.