Old feelings

Its odd how going to a place you have not been to in a long time brings back out feelings.  Some of joy and some of pain.
My trip to NY in many ways last week was both healing and painful.
I am having a real hard time getting back into the swing of things here and I can't figure out why.
I have a beautiful home and for some reason it is overwhelming me.
Maybe its just the size of it and when I was in NY things seemed so much smaller. If that can make sense.
Monica's home was small and filled with children's stuff.  I felt bad for her as I have help and my house is so big and I feel unorganized.  Weird to feel this way.

I loved spending time with Monica and only wish we lived closer to one another so we could help each other with our kids.
I know its sad that we live so far, but I would never move back to NY. No reason too first off, work is slim and taxes are just too high.
I love our home and friends.
Kent has a good job and I am able to care for the kids and volunteer sometimes.
Our Nanny just gave me a weeks notice. I knew she was looking for full time somewhere but honestly we are going to miss her. She was a doll.
I won't have the time I did before to volunteer.  I am sad to miss the Dream House office on Fridays but I have to be here for the kiddo's.

I am going to try to organize the house over the next two weeks when the kids are in school and get on a cleaning schedule.  Eunicia was cleaning the kids rooms and bath and doing the laundry but that will me on me from now on.
It will be fun getting the house together.  I have been needing to do some fall cleaning anyway. Try to get ready for the holidays.
I need to make a list of gifts I plan on making and get going on those as time allows.
I think I am going to give up on my Tuesday night class.  I need to spend more time here with the family.

Seeing my father at my Nana's nursing home was not as bad as it could have been.  He behaved himself and I even went over and gave him a hug.
He seems so much older and living in his good memories. I guess that's the way he copes.
I did not bring up the past as it was not the time but someday I am sure we will talk about the abuse he caused and the pain he inflicted on me and the others.

I was just happy to see my Nana. She looks so small and frail. Although has all her wits about her.
She talked for two hours straight giving me no time to interject a comment or two.
Its okay, she is very lonely and I plan on sending her a picture book with all the recent pictures of the kids.
She will love to share that with her new friends in the nursing home.
I will have to mail it to Dad and Judy so they can bring it up to her.
I plan on sending some treats for her too. Sugarless candy and some magazines.  She loves to read and I think I will even send some writing paper and stamps.
I only wish she would come down here to live with me. I know that will never happen.
Well time to get on with the day.....